India is a special place. There may be hundreds of things which one likes about their hometown. But traffic ain’t one of them. They always reserve the choicest and wincing-at-it-is-too-late words for their beloved city’s traffic… it doesn’t matter if that place’s traffic is actually good.
So why should I be any different. My hometown, Indore, has the worst traffic and people with pathetic and weird traffic sense.
It is said that if you drive there following all the traffic rules, either one of the two things could happen — either you won’t reach your destination at all, or you might reach the hospital first.
If you are out on a drive in Indore, here are a few things of which you should take a print-out, carry in your wallet and read whenever you find free time (preferably with a beaded necklace in your hand):
1. There is only one traffic rule in Indore…there are no rules! (sorry Brad Pitt, but this sentence is kinda relevant here)
2. Lanes are for people who are driving a bulldozer. Rest is free for all.
3. There is no bhed-bhav on Indori roads. A cycle wala can occupy a fast lane with just as much haq as a BMW wala.
4. Footpaths are extremely essential for good flow of traffic. Where else would the tea stall and pohe wala thela go.
5. There is absolutely no need for you to bother with 20th century traffic customs like giving indicator before you turn. They are just ornamental lights on your vehicle.
6. You must stop your vehicle at least 50 metres after a zebra crossing at a traffic signal.
7. The time indicator of all traffic signals are a bit slow. So it’s okay to start 5 seconds before the signal turns green, and okay to stop 10 seconds after it has turned red.
8. Do not make fun of traffic policemen. Salute them for spending so much time in dust and pollution because it takes guts to stand and gaze at the vehicles. The only time they will punish you for breaking any rules is when they have to meet their challan’s annual target.
9. If someone behind you shouts “aage badhaou“, take it as a signal and just MOVE. For the sake of your mother’s and sister’s happy life, DO NOT turn back to see who shouted and why. In all cases it would be the conductor of a public transport vehicle, dangling out of the door defying laws of gravity.
10. “Horn All The Time Please” is the unwritten rule. If you are not horny enough (yes offense), then why did your parents even think of giving you the keys to the car/bike/cycle.